Stepmothers are NOT Evil

Stepmothers are NOT Evil

There are certain topics and people that are completely avoided in my blog, including any discussion about family.

But only for this time will I venture out into uncharted territory to state the truth about the biggest lie ever told about women:

Stepmother’s are evil.

I am not saying this because I am a stepmother and recognize that, heck, I’m a pretty awesome person, and have done more for my step kids than most parents have done for their biological kids.  I say this simply because I keep hearing this over and over from random people including my hubby’s friends and family: “Stepmothers shouldn’t be involved in raising their step kids.”

Really? Wow. 

While I blankly stare at individuals I once respected, their words transform them into ignorant trolls by the second.  Deep inside I want to say, “Thank you for your input. Would you mind if I now closed my purse and not allow a single dollar to go towards raising kids –adult kids kids in my case – that I, according to you, shouldn’t say anything about?”

Hmmm...so my money is good.  But my time and advice is not valuable, and I am to put myself last every second of the day if I am to, according to these trolls, be committed to a single dad.

Eh. No.

Allow me to explain:

People, I feel, regardless of whether they are married or single, straight or gay, men or women, are inherently good.  Sure, there’s some pretty rotten apples in the bunch, but overall, most people have good intentions….especially women who volunteer to raise children that aren’t theirs.  Special kudos to single and childless women: Give those women some credit. Actually, kiss their feet and raise them on a pedestal, because being a step mom is the single-most thankless job out there...and they are taking-on this difficult role with zero experience and no credit.

There, I said it. 

Ladies, I don’t care how much you love your significant other and "pretend" that his offspring are yours…unless those children came a poppin down your uterus, they are not biologically yours.  Trust me when I tell you this, step kids will remind you many times over that are you simply a stepmother, or the lowest pseudo compliment of them all, “the dads wife.”

You, according to step kids, your significant others family,and sometimes your significant other, should remember that “you knew what you were getting into…you are with a man that has children.”

No shit Sherlock. 

Ya’ think that single and childless women venture out to the dating pool with the intention of meeting a man with children?  Nope.  We don’t.

If I can have a little liberty in assuming this about single and childless women that marry a single dad, I will say this much: We obviously love him, in spite of him having a prior failed marriage and children.  Yep, in spite of.

Men, don’t fall into that trap of women with googly eyes telling you that the reason they love you is because you are a dad.  Unless that woman has some major daddy issues, she’s lying…simply to make you feel better for having the biggest and heaviest set of baggage any man can have: offspring (AKA Children).

So for those men, or women, that are hoping their new partner is out there looking for someone that has a litter of kids, let me be so blunt as to utter the truth that no one else has said: No, we are not.

Sure, kids came with the package that we love, and in spite of their brattiness, we overlooked your offspring to simply see the man you are.

Yep – we dated and (possibly) married a man.  Not a daddy.

Please reserve that role for your kids.  Trust me, we are very well aware they will not go anywhere. 

As much as media and some crazy folks out there want you to believe, step moms don’t want your kids to disappear. 

Really, we don’t.

Otherwise, we wouldn’t invest – yes, we, as in Stepmothers –also invest in the raising of the kids that come with the package of marrying single dad.

However, unlike biological parents, step moms (usually) don't look out for (only) the children.  We (tend to) look out for what is best for the entire family.  Maybe that is why we get such a bad rap: we don't always say yes to every little "ask" our step kids request.  At least in my case, if it doesn't make sense financially, or it will hurt "our" family long-term, the answer is no.  We want, I want, what is best for everyone.

Like I tell my hubby time, and time again, "of course I want the best for your children...why wouldn't I?  They are now part of my family too."

The obvious question to single dads that marry a childless woman: If you loved a woman so much as to ask her to marry you, why wouldn't you think she would have the best intentions in mind for you...and ultimately your now blended family?

So please, the next time someone reminds you that a stepmother can’t have an opinion about their step kids, unless that child, or children, have nothing, as in absolutely zero, involvement in the marriage or relationship, the stepmother can, and should, contribute more to a step-kids life besides money and time devoted towards those children.

Lest us all not forget, just like a man once began his starter marriage relationship with a clean slate, he should also attempt to start anew with his new spouse…unless, of course, he wants end this relationship before it starts.

Yours with step motherly love,